Readiness for sex is a touchy subject and sometimes there can be no sure way to know if a person is ready for sex. That is something that’s up to each person and the experience is different for everyone. No matter when you feel you are ready for sex, its important to consider some things first. This list is not comprehensive but it’s a great place to start:
1: It is legal for you and your partner(s) to give consent.
- Bermuda’s minimum age of consent is 16. However, for same sex partners, the age of consent is 18. It is also important that you and your partner(s) are of sound and sober mind.
2: You are comfortable picking up condoms or birth control for yourself or your partner(s).
- Both (or all) partners involved should be willing and able to do what’s necessary to keep each other safe.
3: You are able to communicate on topics such as boundaries, safety, and STI status.
- Open, frequent and honest communication can be a life saver. Communication is a skill that needs to be practiced often and thoroughly.
4: You’ve had conversations about or made plans for if the birth control/ STI protection fails.
- Being proactive in conversations around possible future outcomes (wanted or not) is important. It is also imperative that both partners have a clear understanding of their STI status prior to having sex, (including Herpes which traditional STI screenings do not include).
5: You aren’t being pressured.
- No one should be or feel coerced into a sexual experience. If someone agrees to have sex after being pressured that is still assault by law.
6: You’ve explored your body first and know what you like and don’t like.
- Self-pleasuring before sharing your sexual self with another can give you increased confidence, reduce the likelihood of unhealthy attachments by not making another person solely responsible for your pleasure.
7: You and your partner respect each other’s personal beliefs around sex and sexuality.
- You should give deep thought to how you show up as an intimate partner, who you want to be in your relationships and what you desire from a partner. You should also know and respect the other person(s) views as well.
There is no perfect time and if you’re considering having sex for the first time reach out to a trusted and more experienced source of guidance in your life. If you don’t know anyone personally to talk it over with, you can always reach out to the Women’s Resource Center for a counseling session or sex educators like myself or Elisha Miller of Five Circles Bda.
