Age gap relationships have been around since the dawn of time and can be healthy, fulfilling and loving but there is a significant potential for grooming that we should be aware of – as a community – when deciding whether to enter into one. This is not an exhaustive list but here are some of the more prominent warning signs and red flags to look out for.
If they were interested in you before you were of age: an older predator might attempt to justify an inappropriate age gap relationship with a minor by claiming the young person is mature for their age or they might manipulate them by over complimenting and flattering them through what is called love bombing. Another red flag is if the person has a history of exclusively dating younger – especially if there is a pattern of never exceeding a certain age.
If they are in a position of power over you: especially if they’ve held this position since you were a minor. This can mean a boss, teacher, or religious leader but can also go beyond social dynamics and can include finances as a potential position of power. Another red flag could be if they discourage you from achieving things such as an education, progressing your career and developing professionally in order to keep that power imbalance. This is not to shame healthy and appropriate age-gap relationships where one partner is the breadwinner and the other offers equal support of a different kind.
If they ask you to lie and be dishonest about your age or theirs: dishonesty means that they are aware of the fact that the age gap is a concern. This could also include them hiding the relationship from their friends and family due to the inappropriate age difference.
If you are unsure about the appropriateness of your age-gap relationship, especially if you are under 18 (or in your early 20s) please seek out an older trusted adult or connect with a sex educator who can help you unpack the red flags in your relationship.
If you do not have a trusted older adult to speak with and cannot afford a session with a sex educator or therapist, please reach out to the WOMEN’S RESOURCE CENTRE for counsel.
